


I See Things That Nobody Else Sees (And It's Slowly Killing Me)

by LostandLonelyBirds (RUNNFROMTHEAK)



Series: Porcelain Dolls [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman Eternal (Comics), DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: (based on several canon events), Abusive Bruce Wayne, Based on a Melanie Martinez Song, Bruce Wayne is Batman, Bruce Wayne is a Bad Parent, Bruce Wayne is a Dick, Canon Divergence - Red Hood and the Outlaws #25, Cassandra Cain centric, Cassandra Cain is Black Bat, Cassandra knows things, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt Cassandra Cain, Hurt Damian Wayne, Hurt Dick Grayson, Hurt Jason Todd, Hurt Stephanie Brown, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Introspection, Lies, M/M, Minor Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Mute Cassandra Cain, Night of the Owls, Press and Tabloids, Traditional Media, im sorry, kind of, selectively mute cassandra cain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 08:17:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20579372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RUNNFROMTHEAK/pseuds/LostandLonelyBirds
Summary: There were things about Wayne Manor no one told Cassandra about.Things she had to learn on her own, things even her unusual upbringing couldn’t prepare her for.Things like being a picture-perfect doll, poised and elegant like a balanced ballerina.Things like pretending that Bruce was their father more than their master, like he wasn’t overruling and demanding in ways befitting a commander (just like her own father)Things like lying about the real reason Dick Grayson’s face was always littered with bruises when he visited Gotham…





	I See Things That Nobody Else Sees (And It's Slowly Killing Me)

**Author's Note:**

> So I WAS working on the next chapter of How Could You (Fire Me) when Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez comes on at 3am and this thing comes out (I'm sorry)
> 
> Enjoy?
> 
> Edit (01/17/2020): The wonderful Happy_Mango made me this STUNNING mood board that I absolutely love! It's in the story now, but go show their tumblr post (or tumblr period) some love!
> 
> Here's the link: https://miniaturemangos.tumblr.com/post/190133156481/bruce-wayne-acts-like-he-loves-his-kids-batman

**_Hey girl, open the walls, play with your dolls_ **

** _We'll be a perfect family_ **

There were things about Wayne Manor no one told Cassandra about.

Things she had to learn on her own, things even her unusual upbringing couldn’t prepare her for.

_Things like being a picture-perfect doll, poised and elegant like a balanced ballerina._

_Things like pretending that Bruce was their father more than their master, like he wasn’t overruling and demanding in ways befitting a commander (<strike>just like her own father</strike>)_

_Things like lying about the real reason Dick Grayson’s face was always littered with bruises when he visited Gotham…_

** _When you walk away, it's when we really play_ **

It had taken her some time to see the moral loopholes Bruce had weaved for himself in his code, to adjust to bearing witness to his flawless transition from _Gotham’s favorite dad _to the _Dark Knight of Gotham_ (and the _dark _part of his title was more accurate than the _knight_).

_Moral loopholes that allowed him to mark his eldest child in purples and blues (<strike>or reds if he was pushed, sometimes leaving scars, sometimes not</strike>)._

_Moral loopholes that allowed him to kill in spurts of rage and claim innocence (<strike>despite the fact others didn’t kill on fear toxin, despite the fact that red kryptonite didn’t affect humans</strike>)._

_Moral loopholes that allowed him to abandon his youngest to the streets, ripped from his home and birthright and family (<strike>even if it had only lasted a night, the eldest wouldn’t let it stand for any longer</strike>)._

** _You don't hear me when I say,_ **

** **

There were times she felt like the prophetic Cassandra of Ancient Myth, spewing warnings and telling’s largely ignored (_<strike>because she couldn’t speak them, couldn’t make her tongue spit the words as she wanted, too dry, too raw</strike>_).

She was never heard, not truly, not with all the other children clamoring for attention (_<strike>unknowing of the dark secrets Wayne Manor offered, unaware of their own father’s true heart</strike>_).

Not with her own fear halting her tongue, hostage in her own mind as she watches the chaos spiral around her (_<strike>like Dick and his too wide grins, like Jason and his too cold eyes, like Tim’s ignorance, like Damian’s avoidance</strike>_)<strike></strike>

** _Mom, _ **

** _please wake up_ **

** _Dad's with a slut, _ **

** _and your son is smoking cannabis_ **

Cassandra likes Selina Kyle, loves her even.

She’d tried warning her away in the ways she could, in actions if not in words, but Selina was too loyal for her own good.

_Even when the Bat let himself sleep with a thief and a murderer on separate nights (<strike>even though he’d promised his hand to the thief and offered salvation to the clowned queen</strike>)._

_Even when the Bat marked her with bruises over kisses, red lines over hickies (<strike>because if the thief marked him in kind, they were still equals weren’t they?).</strike>_ <strike></strike>

_Even when the Bat let his birds fall without assistance, killing themselves to get his approval (<strike>and the thief saw, because she loved them as her own and picked them up when the Bat wasn’t looking)</strike>._

** _No one never listens, this wallpaper glistens_ **

** _Don't let them see what goes down in the kitchen_ **

Wayne Manor had many unspoken rules, spoken and conveyed through hushed tones and intense looks.

As someone who’d grown in silence, Cassandra was an _expert _on reading in between the lines, on what they didn’t say.

_Don’t let the media see you as anything approachable (<strike>you are distant, perfect, above their questions and interrogations, above all you are **his **before you are **yours**, but they can’t know that</strike>)._

_Don’t let the media see what happens behind closed doors, what you do when you aren’t in their sight (<strike>cover every bruise like it’s a blemish, every scar like it’s a pimple, every hickey like it’s an imperfection</strike>)._

_Don’t let them hear anything you don’t want them to, anything the **Bat **doesn’t want them to (<strike>bruises on Dick Grayson’s face, hope in Harley Quinn’s eyes, fear in Jason Todd’s shoulders, anger in Damian Wayne’s brow</strike>)._

** _Places, places, get in your places_ **

** _Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces_ **

** _Everyone thinks that we're perfect_ **

** _Please don't let them look through the curtains_ **

** **

There were spoken rules too, each having their own lines to read between:

Cross your legs (_like a proper Wayne woman, modest and composed and elegant_)

Cover your back (_else they see the scars from your old father and your new one_)

Paint your lips (_to hide the bloodied cracks_)

Blend into your neck (_so they see perfection where there isn’t any_).

** _Picture, picture, smile for the picture_ **

** _Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister?_ **

** _Everyone thinks that we're perfect_ **

** _Please don't let them look through the curtains_ **

Smile for the camera (_wide enough to show your teeth, but not so wide that they can see all of them_)

Tilt your head, hair splayed to one side (_to show vulnerability without letting them decide what you’re showing_)

Look up through your lashes, chin slightly lifted (_open, inviting, but shy or else you’ll come off as seductive_).

_Pretend Stephanie and Tim haven’t slept together, pretend Dick and Jason **aren’t **sleeping together, pretend you don’t want to sleep with Stephanie, and pretend Damian doesn’t want to kill everyone who isn’t Dick._

** _D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E_ **

** _I see things that nobody else sees _ **

** _(D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E _ **

** _I see things that nobody else sees)_ **

** **

She wonders if it’s purposeful ignorance or mere blindness that keeps Alfred and Tim protected from the truth of Bruce Wayne.

She wonders if Bruce’s hands marked Tim the same way they’ve marked Jason, they way they _still _mark Dick (_<strike>the way they would have marked her, if Dick hadn’t stepped in the way he did for them all, the way they **let **him do for them all</strike>_)

She wonders if Alfred or Tim care enough to know, if they’re content playing house (_<strike>ignoring bruises that can’t be from patrol, ignoring the bat shaped scars among the landscape of blacks and blues and purples</strike>_).

** _Hey girl, look at my mom, she's got it going on _ **

** _HA! You're blinded by her jewelry_ **

** **

Catwoman seems to be toeing the line of good and bad more and more recently, abandoning jewels in favor of stopping bank robbers.

She was useful to Bruce on intel missions too, flashing and dazzling the informants to the point where they simply _spilled _the information without any intimidation.

_It makes Cassandra wonder if **she **is crazy, if her years of training are failing her, misleading her._

_But then she’ll watch the cave footage **again**, watch Bruce tear Dick apart with words and fists, watch him try and beat his morality into Selina and Jason and Damian when Dick isn’t there to take it, and she’ll **know**._

_(She’s cursed with knowledge, and no one will believe her or listen to her, so she is Cassandra of old and Cassandra of new)._

** _When you turn your back, she pulls out a flask _ **

_And forgets his infidelity_

Selina will catch another woman in his bed, and he’ll say it’s for his reputation (_because Bruce Wayne is a reformed playboy, even if he **is **a family man now_)

So she’ll drown her sorrows in hard liquor and Poison Ivy, proclaiming she’s going to leave him (_and Cassandra hopes she does, hopes Selina smiles the way she used to, hopes she finally is happy_)

He’ll pretend to believe her (_sardonic smirk in place, having run through this scenario more than enough times to stop caring_) and she’ll pretend to be serious (_eyes wide and vulnerable, pained in a way that makes Cassandra hurt for her, wish she could comfort her with more than empty glances_)

But they’ll reunite before the night is over, loud proclamations and _fucking _echoing the dark halls like they always had, and always would (_because Selina loved Bruce, and Bruce loved Selina, even if it wasn’t healthy_).

** **

** _Uh-oh, she's coming to the attic, plastic _ **

** _Go back to being plastic_ **

** **

Bruce Wayne demands excellence and pretty lies,

Batman demands _perfection_.

Bruce Wayne wants silent models, poised and blank.

Batman wants clay soldiers, ready to mold and listen absolutely.

Bruce Wayne acts like he loves his kids.

Batman doesn’t bother.

** _No one never listens, this wallpaper glistens _ **

** _One day they'll see what goes down in the kitchen_ **

** **

Even with her forced silence, she’s certain that _someone _will see what she’s seen, what they all hide.

She’s certain that _someone _will see through Bruce’s façade, see through the pretty lies everyone wants to hear.

Someone has to…

_Don’t they?_

** _Places, places, get in your places _ **

** _Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces _ **

** _Everyone thinks that we're perfect _ **

** _Please don't let them look through the curtains_ **

** **

** **

** _Picture, picture, smile for the picture _ **

** _Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister? _ **

** _Everyone thinks that we're perfect _ **

** _Please don't let them look through the curtains_ **

** **

** **

** _D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E _ **

** _I see things that nobody else sees _ **

** _(D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E _ **

** _I see things that nobody else sees)_ **

** **

** **

_Hey girl (hey girl, hey girl, hey girl, hey girl)_

The walls scream to her, their _bodies_ scream to her, inscribing their dark burdens she _doesn’t want _and telling her secrets she doesn’t _need_.

_She can drown out the hushed whispers, covering her ears and silencing her thoughts, but she can’t drown out the bruises on Dick’s skin, the scent of blood lingering in the kitchen._

_She can’t drown out the lingering mistrust in Damian’s posture, the slouch in Selina’s spine._

_She wants to gouge her eyes out some days, but Wayne Manor had pushed its secrets upon her almost as soon as she’d arrived, and even blindness couldn’t take them from her mind._

** _Hey girl, open your walls, play with your dolls _ **

** _We'll be a perfect family_ **

** **

_Family_ is the word dripping from Dick Grayson’s too easy smile, lips stretched in an attempt to mimic happiness (_the same lips that had kissed Jason late at night in the Manor’s gardens, marking him ways Bruce never could, and never would_)

_Family _is the word let out of Bruce Wayne’s too wide beam, teeth blinding and shiny (_like the bat brand he’d used on certain people, those who he deemed his to harm and hurt as he pleased_)

_Family _is the word caressed under Alfred’s fingers, running along the newspaper’s ink in hope and reverence (_the same hands that stitched them up, running along their bruises and healing their wounds in ways no one else could_).

Cassandra doesn’t know much about family, but she doesn’t think _this _is what family is supposed to be.

** _Places, places, get in your places _ **

** _Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces_ **

** **

An elaborate masquerade, that’s what her life was.

Trading one mask for another, then another, to the point where even _she _didn’t know who she truly was.

_She sometimes wants to ask Dick or even Jason if they feel this way, if this was a **Bat **thing or a **her **thing, but they don’t **talk **about what goes on behind the elegant wood doors of Wayne Manor, that was another mask they wore._

** _ Everyone thinks that we're perfect _ **

** _Please don't let them look through the curtains_ **

** _Picture, picture, smile for the picture _ **

** _Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister?_ **

** **

She lets Damian’s arm curl around her (_fingers calloused and rough, from things that hardened Cassandra too_)

She lets Bruce stand behind her (_tall form overshadowing her, boxing her in, trapping her_)

She lets Stephanie squeeze her hand where the camera can’t see (_because the camera only saw perfection, and Wayne’s daughters dating wasn’t perfection_).

** **

_She lets herself smile the way she’s been taught, small but not too small, inviting but not seductive, shy but not overly so._

** _Everyone thinks that we're perfect _ **

** _Please don't let them look through the curtains_ **

** **

She lets the curtains hide Dick and Jason’s entangled limbs,

Lets the curtains hide her,

Lets the curtains hide her family’s imperfections.

** _D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E _ **

** _I _ ** ** _see things that nobody else sees _ **

** _(D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E _ **

**_I_** **_see things that nobody else sees)_**

Cassandra smiles for the photo prettily, Bruce’s hand on her shoulder, Dick and Damian’s arms around her, and pretends like she doesn’t know their every dirty secret.

Pretends like they are perfect, as Bruce wants, and Batman demands.

_She lies (but she’s good at that now)._

She looks into the camera, and manages to suppress the silent screams clawing at her throat as Bruce Wayne smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> thoughts?

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Legs Crossed, Shoulders Back(Let No One See the Scars On Your Back)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21608107) by [redhairgreeneyes (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/redhairgreeneyes)


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